Et completely won today and to be quite honest with you I don't really give a damn that she did. It is a total relasp day. I don't really care, I don't even want to fight with ET today. I'm almost afraid to count how many I have had...I know it is not 20, which is better than nothing, but it is not 10 either. Just one of those days when it doesn't matter to me. It should but it doesn't. Not sure what the problem is today. Can't put my finger on it, but I was just not up to dealing with fighting with ET. Had the day off work so even that didn't take my mind off of it.
I know I can do this, I know I can win. I have sat in Movie theaters and watched a two hour movie and never even thought about smoking. I have sat on airplanes for four or five hours and not wanted a smoke, mostly because ET has no power in those places. It is illegal to smoke there so it doesn't matter what ET wants, she can't have it in those areas. But here at home, sitting in my chair ET has power. Nothing is stopping me from going outside as often as I want and having a smoke. Today ET was the force in my life. Tomorrow WILL be better. Tomorrow I WILL have more control over ET. Tomorrow I will be the winner and ET will lose. And if not tomorrow, then the next day, or the next. I will not give up, I will not give in. I may slide backwards on this slippery slope of recovery but I will not give up and I will dig in and fight my way to the top of the recovery mountain. Just have a little faith, and hope and it will get better.
Silly, you ARE doing it! Every day when you don't smoke 20, you're doing it! Hooray!!! Pretty soon, ET will become FT - and you and your fun twin will be spending all of that old smoking time in other, more fun pursuits! I just know it! Keep on keeping on !
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