Didn't blog last night, was very tired. Early mornings, late nights, stressful days can all catch up to you sooner or later.
I was at 10 last night, still within my goals, but not exactly on target of where I want to be..however I am giving myself a break. If I can keep it at 10 or under I feel like I am doing okay. I have almost 2 months to completely quit, so if I stay at 10 for a bit, then move to 8 and 5 and them 2 or 3 I think I can quit in my alloted time frame.
Thanks Sharon for the link to Dr. Oz. Have not had time to read it yet but I will tonight. Everyone has a quit smoking system and what I think is interesting, most of the ones with the quit smoking systems have never smoked a day in their lives, so how do they know how to quit? Have to do some checking on DR. Oz, but I don't think he was ever a smoker either. Makes me wonder how they know all this stuff when they have not been through the process themselves.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
01/29/2011
Good Grief Maynard, another relapse day. Back to 11. Did not have the ambition, desire, or self control today to stick to 8 or 9 or 10. I hit 11 today. Started the morning out not caring and once the afternoon hit I was way behind and couldn't (didn't) catch up. The afternoon and evening went a little better, but by noon today I knew I wouldn't make my quota. I just tried to not go to far over the limit, and 11 isn't terrible but it isn't great either. Tomorrow will be better. I really need to start using the E-cig. It sits right here by my chair, but I just don't use it. I need to start training myself to smoke it instead of a real one. I am not sure why I am not because it is just as easy if not easier to take a couple of drags off the E. I just don't do it. I think with time it will come. Re-training of the mind and body takes time. I just need to be paitient with myself.
Friday, January 28, 2011
01/28/2011
well, it is Friday and I didn't have to go to work today sooo..you think I am going to say I had a hard day and smoked more don't you???? But guess what, it was a good day. I found other things to do like help the neighbors buid fences and read and took a long hot bath and I only smoked 9 again today. Surprisingly enough it was easier to go two hours between smokes today because I was keeping busy with other things and not thinking about it so much. I think that is the real key to quitting, to train my mind not to think about it so much. To turn my thoughts to other things when I start thinking about it, and to find other things to think about when the thoughts do occur.
Next task, get it down to 8.
Next task, get it down to 8.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
1/27/2011
Ten again today. Used the E twice today to curb the desire, but did pretty well at keeping two hours between smokes. That is I can get two hours between smokes after my first 2 smokes in the morning. Those first 2 are usually only an hour apart, sometimes 45 minutes. I guess I need (want) that extra boost first thing in the morning after going 7 or 8 hours without one. Slowly but surely I am starting to figure this out. Step by step and process by process I am figuring out for myself how to deal with this addiction. Another day tomorrow, another fight, another opportunity to learn and grow from the battle.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
01/26/2011
I want it NOW! I am so impaitient, which leads to frustration in my quests. I want to it all now...To quit smoking, to lose weight, to have money. I want it all and I don't want to have to fight for it.
I only smoked 10 today, didn't use the E-cig much today. Have to figure out a schedule for using it and implementing it along with the regular smokes. I can see where it can be useful to me to quit smoking, just have to figure out how to implement it's use in my daily and evening life. Interesting that I can go 7 to 8 hours during the night and not want a smoke, sleeping...but during the day when my mind is alert it seems to think about smoking a lot. Need to train my brain to think of other things. Working on that.
I only smoked 10 today, didn't use the E-cig much today. Have to figure out a schedule for using it and implementing it along with the regular smokes. I can see where it can be useful to me to quit smoking, just have to figure out how to implement it's use in my daily and evening life. Interesting that I can go 7 to 8 hours during the night and not want a smoke, sleeping...but during the day when my mind is alert it seems to think about smoking a lot. Need to train my brain to think of other things. Working on that.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
01/25/2011
Used the E-cig today some. I still smoked 11 today even with the E, but it didn't feel as hard. I wasn't watching the clock as much, or waiting for my next puff. I was thinking today that it is somewhat like a little kid...the more you tell them they can't have something the more they want it, as soon as you tell them they can have it they don't really want it. With the E-cig I know I can have it, at least a puff or two, and so it seems I don't want it as much. Cravings weren't as bad today I don't think but maybe it was my imagination, since I still smoked 11. I just have to keep telling myself that I need to be paitient, this will not change overnight, it will take time. I can and will do this one step at a time, one less smoke at a time, one more day toward my goal. I will try to use the E-cig more tomorrow.
By the way Sharon, the E-cig is heavier that a regular cigarette because it has a battery and a small metal tube (the atomizer) in it. The real one only has paper and tobacco leaves. It is not real heavy, only heavier than a real one.
By the way Sharon, the E-cig is heavier that a regular cigarette because it has a battery and a small metal tube (the atomizer) in it. The real one only has paper and tobacco leaves. It is not real heavy, only heavier than a real one.
Monday, January 24, 2011
01/24/2011
It is 10:30 at night and March just took her mom to the emergency room. She has what looks like a big blister on her back, right in the middle of the surgery line. It has grown in size, about doubled, since about 6:00pm tonight and to relieve her mom's anxiety about it March took her to the emergency room. I know this isn't the proper blog spot for this, but I also know you check this one daily. We have to wait until she gets home tonight to see what is going on.
I tried the E-cig tonight, twice. It seems to be working okay. It is heavier than a real cigarette by quite a bit, so that will take some getting used to. It doesn't have any smell and I do get the "hit" of nicotine to satisfy my craving. This is wierd but with a regular cigarette I know when I am done, it gets down to the butt, I put it out, throw the butt away....with the E-cig nothing changes. I don't know when I'm done smoking. This is good and bad, it may make me smoke more because it isn't gone, or I may just take a couple of hits and be done. It will be good because there are times when I really don't want a full cigarette but I smoke one any way because they are so darn expensive and I am not going to waste one and re-lit cigarettes taste really bad. We will have to see how this goes from here. Even if for a while I smoke the E every other time I want one I will cut my smokes in half.
One day at a time, one smoke at a time, one E-smoke at a time.
I tried the E-cig tonight, twice. It seems to be working okay. It is heavier than a real cigarette by quite a bit, so that will take some getting used to. It doesn't have any smell and I do get the "hit" of nicotine to satisfy my craving. This is wierd but with a regular cigarette I know when I am done, it gets down to the butt, I put it out, throw the butt away....with the E-cig nothing changes. I don't know when I'm done smoking. This is good and bad, it may make me smoke more because it isn't gone, or I may just take a couple of hits and be done. It will be good because there are times when I really don't want a full cigarette but I smoke one any way because they are so darn expensive and I am not going to waste one and re-lit cigarettes taste really bad. We will have to see how this goes from here. Even if for a while I smoke the E every other time I want one I will cut my smokes in half.
One day at a time, one smoke at a time, one E-smoke at a time.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
01/23/2011
I love Sundays. I usually get to chat with you on Sunday mornings and I am usually busy enough during the day to not think about smoking. Didn't make 10 today, but still down. I have stopped writing down the times that I smoke, not sure why, but I need to start doing it again. It does help me keep track of how many and when I am smoking. My E-cig comes tomorrow so I am definately going back to keeping track of when I smoke when that gets here, and whether it is real or E that I smoke. as I understand it, it has to charge for 24 hours before I can use it, so I won't be smoking it tomorrow, but maybe the next day. By Wednesday at the latest. Tracking keeps me on track. And tracking the real and the E will let me know if it is helping or not.
Friday, January 21, 2011
01/21/2011
E-cig comes Monday. Have to fight through the week end and then try the new way. Harder on the week end because I stay home and there is no work, so I find less things to do. That is not exactly true, I could find lots of things to do here at the house. Clean, dust, vaccum, read, blog, play with Alexia, and many other things. The point is none of them are things I have to do, things I should do, things I can do, but so not have to do. At work I have things that must be done, at home I have things that can and are put off. So as an excuse to not do them I smoke. Harder to break that habit than some of the others. The thing that amazes me is that I have not smoked in the truck since I started on this quest. That is the one place where I smoked the most in the old days, and it just hasn't been that hard to not smoke in the truck. I haven't figured that one out yet. Why is it so hard to not smoke in other places and easy to not smoke in the place I smoked the most? What is up with that? Oh well, maybe the answer isn't important, the fact that I smoke in one less place is the goal, and maybe enough for now.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
01/20/2011
Sharon, since you are checking up on me daily (which I really appreciate by the way) I better blog tonight. Since you check up on my progress it helps keep my on track. Sometimes it is easier to keep myself from smoking more than I want to because I know you will be "watching". Not that you are judging me in any way (which I also appreciate) but I sometimes feel it is easier not to disappoint you, than it is not to disappoint me.
I tried something wierd today. Instead of fighting with ET, or giving into ET I just let it happen as it would. I didn't argue, or justify, or ignore. I just let things come as they would. I smoked more than 10 I know, but less than 15. I wanted to see if smoking less is really affecting my health. When I smoked with less than an hour and a half between smokes I got a head ache. Learned that early this morning, so I cut back this afternoon and felt better. Smoking really is not so good for me, especially smoking so much. I got used to it in the last 30 years so it wasn't bothering me, but now that I have cut back I notice the difference in how deeply I breathe, how many head aches I have, and how I am not so short of breath when doing simple things.
Now that this experiment is over and I know that it really is helping to not smoke I have another reason to cut back even more.
Sharon, I want you to know how much your help and support and your non-judgmental comments and encouragment are helping me through not only this stop smoking process, but also the mother-in-law thing. Your encouraging words and thoughts keep me going, and trying and not giving up or running away from home, even though I really want to run away from home sometimes.
Thanks again for being there.
Mickey
I tried something wierd today. Instead of fighting with ET, or giving into ET I just let it happen as it would. I didn't argue, or justify, or ignore. I just let things come as they would. I smoked more than 10 I know, but less than 15. I wanted to see if smoking less is really affecting my health. When I smoked with less than an hour and a half between smokes I got a head ache. Learned that early this morning, so I cut back this afternoon and felt better. Smoking really is not so good for me, especially smoking so much. I got used to it in the last 30 years so it wasn't bothering me, but now that I have cut back I notice the difference in how deeply I breathe, how many head aches I have, and how I am not so short of breath when doing simple things.
Now that this experiment is over and I know that it really is helping to not smoke I have another reason to cut back even more.
Sharon, I want you to know how much your help and support and your non-judgmental comments and encouragment are helping me through not only this stop smoking process, but also the mother-in-law thing. Your encouraging words and thoughts keep me going, and trying and not giving up or running away from home, even though I really want to run away from home sometimes.
Thanks again for being there.
Mickey
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
01/19/2011
Now here is a BIG suprise for you! Not much to say tonight.
Made my 10 today and it is getting easier each day. I think the nicotine and other drugs are slowly getting out of my body and the cravings are dissapating some what. Not that the war is over, but the battles are getting smaller. I get the E-cig on Monday the 24th and we will go from there. Until then I will just keep going one day at a time.
Made my 10 today and it is getting easier each day. I think the nicotine and other drugs are slowly getting out of my body and the cravings are dissapating some what. Not that the war is over, but the battles are getting smaller. I get the E-cig on Monday the 24th and we will go from there. Until then I will just keep going one day at a time.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
01/18/2011
Here is food for thought. I have been smoking over half my life. I started smoking consitently when I was 25. I smoked off and on before that ( since I was 12)but consitently for the last 30 years. So in some ways, maybe more than I like to admit, smoking has helped to shape the person I am today. So...who will I become when I stop smoking. I know this sounds a little silly, but it is the truth. Smoking is a part of who I am. Don't get me wrong, I know I can change this paticular habit, but it begs the question who will I become when smoking is no longer a part of my life?
I use smoking as a way to relax, so will I become more uptight? I use smoking as a way to think. I step outside, I am by myself and my mind wanders and sometimes I have an incredible thought or two. Will I stop being so creative when I stop smoking? Will it be harder to be creative, and find alone time to think and have creative thoughts? True, smoking a cigarette only takes about 5 minutes, but in those 5 minutes I have come up with some interesting ideas. Will I have more energy and be more productive, will have anger issues? Who will I be when I am not the smoking me?My favorite duo Blaze and Kelly have a song called :Despite the Dents"
Part of the lyrics go like this:
"And if I drove a Mercedes
would I still be crazy?
Would I have a lot of business to tend to?
If I drove a Cadillac
would I be stuffin’ two kids in the back?"
That is kind of how I am feeling now.
"What direction do I drive
to get the best out of my life"
Which direction do I go when I am an ex-smoker?
I use smoking as a way to relax, so will I become more uptight? I use smoking as a way to think. I step outside, I am by myself and my mind wanders and sometimes I have an incredible thought or two. Will I stop being so creative when I stop smoking? Will it be harder to be creative, and find alone time to think and have creative thoughts? True, smoking a cigarette only takes about 5 minutes, but in those 5 minutes I have come up with some interesting ideas. Will I have more energy and be more productive, will have anger issues? Who will I be when I am not the smoking me?My favorite duo Blaze and Kelly have a song called :Despite the Dents"
Part of the lyrics go like this:
"And if I drove a Mercedes
would I still be crazy?
Would I have a lot of business to tend to?
If I drove a Cadillac
would I be stuffin’ two kids in the back?"
That is kind of how I am feeling now.
"What direction do I drive
to get the best out of my life"
Which direction do I go when I am an ex-smoker?
Monday, January 17, 2011
01/17/2011
I just re-read my posts and realize that as much as I bitch and moan about negative people a lot of my posts deal with negative feelings. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the person who brings light into the room, not darkness. I want to be the person who brings a smile into people's eyes, not a frown. I want to be the person who people walk across the room to talk to, not the one people walk across the room to avoid. I know it is almost impossible to be happy and carefree and "up" all the time...things happen, but I want to be the person who is happier and positive more often than I am negative and angry.
I need to work on being more positive in my life without the help of "blowing off steam" with cigarettes. Cigarettes may be relaxing for me, but they are not a positive relax. They are not healthy for me, they are not healthy for others and I need to find a different release. Don't know what that will be yet, have to do some deep soul searching, and some light internet searching (you never know what you might find on the internet).
I am staying at 10 or 11 smokes a day. Haven't pushed myself to go under that yet. I figure if I stick it out at 10 or 11 for a week or so I can cut a few more out one at a time within the next month.
By the way Sharon, My E-cig should arrive about the 24th (next Monday). I am on my own until then. I will let you know when it gets here, what the directions are and how it goes for me.
I need to work on being more positive in my life without the help of "blowing off steam" with cigarettes. Cigarettes may be relaxing for me, but they are not a positive relax. They are not healthy for me, they are not healthy for others and I need to find a different release. Don't know what that will be yet, have to do some deep soul searching, and some light internet searching (you never know what you might find on the internet).
I am staying at 10 or 11 smokes a day. Haven't pushed myself to go under that yet. I figure if I stick it out at 10 or 11 for a week or so I can cut a few more out one at a time within the next month.
By the way Sharon, My E-cig should arrive about the 24th (next Monday). I am on my own until then. I will let you know when it gets here, what the directions are and how it goes for me.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
01/16/2011
OMG! I never realized how much I rely on cigarettes to relieve my stress. The kids just left, Thank God. I love the grand kids Maddie (1) and Makayla (11) but I can do without the negativity and stress of the parents, especially when you add grand ma into the mix. They were only here for about 4 hours and I know I had at least 4 smokes. Not on track tonight for 10. I mostly used it as an excuse to go outside and get away. I didn't realize until tonight how much I do that. It gives a whole new meaning to "blowing off steam". I went outside to get away from the tension, and to blow off steam inside my head. The smoking was just an excuse and a physical release since I couldn't actually blow off steam just outside the door, I did it virtually through smoking.
I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit excuses, and in reality it is, but it makes me think about why I smoke and the things I will need to replace in my life when I quit.
I also realize that I have a VERY,VERY, difficult time dealing with negative people. A little negativity goes a very long way. I wish positive feelings were as powerful as negative, but then life would be to easy wouldn't it? Holy Cow at least I don't think that anyone who isn't me is a complete idiot.
Anyway, enough excuses, bottom line I didn't make my goal today...try again tomorrow!
I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit excuses, and in reality it is, but it makes me think about why I smoke and the things I will need to replace in my life when I quit.
I also realize that I have a VERY,VERY, difficult time dealing with negative people. A little negativity goes a very long way. I wish positive feelings were as powerful as negative, but then life would be to easy wouldn't it? Holy Cow at least I don't think that anyone who isn't me is a complete idiot.
Anyway, enough excuses, bottom line I didn't make my goal today...try again tomorrow!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
01/16/2011 Saturday
Made it to 10 today. I told you I could do this, at least for today. It seems to be getting a little easier each day to skip one or two. I should get me Ecig next week sometime and we will see how I do on that one. They are suppossed to help you cut back and quit mor easily. It might take the edge off of my thinking about it so much.
I know that smoking is an addiction, but I think at least for me, it is as much a mental addiction as it is a narcotic one, if not more so. It seems to me that when I am busy and involved in something where my mind is occupied and I am not thinking about smoking I can go for longer periods of time without a smoke.
If I can occupy my mind then I seem not to pollute my lungs as much or as often.
I know that smoking is an addiction, but I think at least for me, it is as much a mental addiction as it is a narcotic one, if not more so. It seems to me that when I am busy and involved in something where my mind is occupied and I am not thinking about smoking I can go for longer periods of time without a smoke.
If I can occupy my mind then I seem not to pollute my lungs as much or as often.
01/15/2011
All that ranting and raving yesterday and when all was said and done I only smoked 13 for the day. Not 10 but not terrible. It felt like I had smoked a lot more than that. I guess that is a good thing, that it felt like more than it was. Back to the schedule today. The thought is that I only have to cut out 3 extras today and I will be on track. Easier to cut out 3 than 10.
Friday, January 14, 2011
ET wins 01/14/2011
Et completely won today and to be quite honest with you I don't really give a damn that she did. It is a total relasp day. I don't really care, I don't even want to fight with ET today. I'm almost afraid to count how many I have had...I know it is not 20, which is better than nothing, but it is not 10 either. Just one of those days when it doesn't matter to me. It should but it doesn't. Not sure what the problem is today. Can't put my finger on it, but I was just not up to dealing with fighting with ET. Had the day off work so even that didn't take my mind off of it.
I know I can do this, I know I can win. I have sat in Movie theaters and watched a two hour movie and never even thought about smoking. I have sat on airplanes for four or five hours and not wanted a smoke, mostly because ET has no power in those places. It is illegal to smoke there so it doesn't matter what ET wants, she can't have it in those areas. But here at home, sitting in my chair ET has power. Nothing is stopping me from going outside as often as I want and having a smoke. Today ET was the force in my life. Tomorrow WILL be better. Tomorrow I WILL have more control over ET. Tomorrow I will be the winner and ET will lose. And if not tomorrow, then the next day, or the next. I will not give up, I will not give in. I may slide backwards on this slippery slope of recovery but I will not give up and I will dig in and fight my way to the top of the recovery mountain. Just have a little faith, and hope and it will get better.
I know I can do this, I know I can win. I have sat in Movie theaters and watched a two hour movie and never even thought about smoking. I have sat on airplanes for four or five hours and not wanted a smoke, mostly because ET has no power in those places. It is illegal to smoke there so it doesn't matter what ET wants, she can't have it in those areas. But here at home, sitting in my chair ET has power. Nothing is stopping me from going outside as often as I want and having a smoke. Today ET was the force in my life. Tomorrow WILL be better. Tomorrow I WILL have more control over ET. Tomorrow I will be the winner and ET will lose. And if not tomorrow, then the next day, or the next. I will not give up, I will not give in. I may slide backwards on this slippery slope of recovery but I will not give up and I will dig in and fight my way to the top of the recovery mountain. Just have a little faith, and hope and it will get better.
I don't feel strong enough on my own
I have been thinking about this a lot since I started this no smoking process, and today I finally decided to take an extra step. I just purchased the Ecig. follow this link to get product information.
http://www.healthjournalusa.com/ehealth/indexhome.asp
I figure if consumer news and Health Journals can support this product it might be worth a try at least, and it is a free offer, just pay for shipping and handling. If I can fight the craving this way it might help with ET.
I will let you know when they arrive in the mail and how they work for me.
Until they arrive I will just keep plugging along as I am, cutting back, and keeping track. I will post more later tonight and let you know how my day was. Just thought you might be interested in this new development.
http://www.healthjournalusa.com/ehealth/indexhome.asp
I figure if consumer news and Health Journals can support this product it might be worth a try at least, and it is a free offer, just pay for shipping and handling. If I can fight the craving this way it might help with ET.
I will let you know when they arrive in the mail and how they work for me.
Until they arrive I will just keep plugging along as I am, cutting back, and keeping track. I will post more later tonight and let you know how my day was. Just thought you might be interested in this new development.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
01/13/2011
I have decided I have an evil twin who lives inside my head. She talks to me alot. Here is a sample of one conversation:
ET: You know you want to go smoke now
Me: Not time yet
ET: But you have waited a long time and you really want one right?
Me: Well yes I would like to have a smoke now, but I should wait
ET: Why wait, you are cutting back and if you have one now you can always skip one later
Me: You know how hard it is for me to skip one later. Let's just wait for a while.
ET: No we need a smoke now, you have a break coming in between projects and it would be the perfect time. You can skip the next smoke, and wait longer next time.
Me: Well okay if you really think I can wait longer next time we can have one now
ET: Of course we can wait longer before we have the next one, you should reward yourself for waiting this long.
Me: okay, I guess you are right
The evil twin wins again. And the next time we have the same or a very similar conversation again. My evil twin has a very strong will and my will is not as strong. Really need to work on beating the evil twin.
Check this out...my goal is an hour and a half between smokes
Look how many times ET won today.
7:00 right out of bed
8:00 before taking Alexia to school
9:05 As soon as I got to work
10:10 before I went to a meeting
12:40 as soon as I got back from the meeting but pat me on the back I did not smoke in the truck driving from the meeting
2:30 almost 2 hours but just not quite
3:30 only and hour
5:45 before we went to visit the neighbors, left my smokes at home
7:30 after dinner, by about a half an hour
It is 8:30 now and I am about ready to go have a smoke, and then I will have one before bed
That makes my total for today 11. So close to 10 and yet so far away. But at least it is not 20.
ET: You know you want to go smoke now
Me: Not time yet
ET: But you have waited a long time and you really want one right?
Me: Well yes I would like to have a smoke now, but I should wait
ET: Why wait, you are cutting back and if you have one now you can always skip one later
Me: You know how hard it is for me to skip one later. Let's just wait for a while.
ET: No we need a smoke now, you have a break coming in between projects and it would be the perfect time. You can skip the next smoke, and wait longer next time.
Me: Well okay if you really think I can wait longer next time we can have one now
ET: Of course we can wait longer before we have the next one, you should reward yourself for waiting this long.
Me: okay, I guess you are right
The evil twin wins again. And the next time we have the same or a very similar conversation again. My evil twin has a very strong will and my will is not as strong. Really need to work on beating the evil twin.
Check this out...my goal is an hour and a half between smokes
Look how many times ET won today.
7:00 right out of bed
8:00 before taking Alexia to school
9:05 As soon as I got to work
10:10 before I went to a meeting
12:40 as soon as I got back from the meeting but pat me on the back I did not smoke in the truck driving from the meeting
2:30 almost 2 hours but just not quite
3:30 only and hour
5:45 before we went to visit the neighbors, left my smokes at home
7:30 after dinner, by about a half an hour
It is 8:30 now and I am about ready to go have a smoke, and then I will have one before bed
That makes my total for today 11. So close to 10 and yet so far away. But at least it is not 20.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
01/12/2011
Not a bad day today. Only 11 by the end of the night anyway.
7:45
8:35
10:05
12:10
1:10
2:45
4:30
6:10
7:30
8:50
and last smoke will be 9:45
I realized today that even cutting back by half has started, just started to get some of the nicotine out of my system. I know this because I get a head rush from a smoke every now and again. I haven't had a head rush from smoking for a long long time, so I know at least some of the narcotics are leaving my body slowly.
I have decided that 2 hours is a pretty high goal at this point, and I can get to 11 or 12 smokes a day with and hour and a half in between. I know this sounds strange to lower my expectations at this point, but if I make the goal more easily attainable, and then actually reach that goal then I can move toward the next goal. It is like climbing a mountain, if you set your sights to high on the first run you will never make it. But if you gradually work your way, step by step, you will eventually make it to the top. So here are my baby steps:
1 1/2 hours between smokes at least
add an extra 5 minutes between smokes
I need to find a song or a mantra to say in my head so that I can think of something besides smoking. If I can stop thinking about it, then it doesn't seem to be so hard to wait longer between.
Thanks to you Sharon for reading this all the time and for your encouraging comments. They do help and I look forward to reading them. Today it really helped, because I know you are reading this and when I thought about having a smoke I thought well I have to tell Sharon in the blog tonight and I don't want to tell her I failed, so I will wait a few more minutes before smoking. You really are helping me, even from 500 miles away! Thanks
7:45
8:35
10:05
12:10
1:10
2:45
4:30
6:10
7:30
8:50
and last smoke will be 9:45
I realized today that even cutting back by half has started, just started to get some of the nicotine out of my system. I know this because I get a head rush from a smoke every now and again. I haven't had a head rush from smoking for a long long time, so I know at least some of the narcotics are leaving my body slowly.
I have decided that 2 hours is a pretty high goal at this point, and I can get to 11 or 12 smokes a day with and hour and a half in between. I know this sounds strange to lower my expectations at this point, but if I make the goal more easily attainable, and then actually reach that goal then I can move toward the next goal. It is like climbing a mountain, if you set your sights to high on the first run you will never make it. But if you gradually work your way, step by step, you will eventually make it to the top. So here are my baby steps:
1 1/2 hours between smokes at least
add an extra 5 minutes between smokes
I need to find a song or a mantra to say in my head so that I can think of something besides smoking. If I can stop thinking about it, then it doesn't seem to be so hard to wait longer between.
Thanks to you Sharon for reading this all the time and for your encouraging comments. They do help and I look forward to reading them. Today it really helped, because I know you are reading this and when I thought about having a smoke I thought well I have to tell Sharon in the blog tonight and I don't want to tell her I failed, so I will wait a few more minutes before smoking. You really are helping me, even from 500 miles away! Thanks
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
01/11/11
Not a great day. It is only 9:00pm and I am at 11 smokes today. I know I will have at least one more so that would be 12. My only excuse today is that I just didn't try hard enough. I used the excuse that March's mom is coming to live with us today. She got released from the rehab center this evening and we had to get her room ready for her, so we had projects to do and each time we finished a job I had a smoke. Most of them are at least an hour apart, some a little more, so I didn't completely go off course, but I did lose my way a tad bit today. Just a bit stressful today getting ready for her and wondering what the next few weeks will be like with her living with us.
7:15
8:05
9:30
10:35
11:40
1:20
2:40
4:05
5:35
6:40
7:40
probably 9:30 0r 10:00.
Start over again tomorrow! Goal of 10, wait and extra 5 minutes, don't watch the clock so much.
7:15
8:05
9:30
10:35
11:40
1:20
2:40
4:05
5:35
6:40
7:40
probably 9:30 0r 10:00.
Start over again tomorrow! Goal of 10, wait and extra 5 minutes, don't watch the clock so much.
Monday, January 10, 2011
day 6 01/10/11
Hit my target of 10 today. Well okay it is 9:15pm and I am at 9 smokes today, so add in my bedtime smoke and I will be at 10. My target goal.
One day at a time, one goal at a time, one step at a time.
My trick for today was to try and wait an extra five minutes before having a smoke. When you look at my schedule it doesn't look like I actually did that, but considering how many times I really wanted a smoke and waited, sometimes more than 5 minutes I think I did okay, and since I met my target goal, it must have worked.
8:00am
8:30am
9:45am
11:45am look 2 hours between smokes
1:45 pm and another 2 hours here
3:50pm and 2 hours and 5 minutes here (note the 5 minutes)
5:00 here is where I started slipping today
6:15 only and hour and 15 minutes
7:45 Almost made the 2 hours but not quite
last smoke will be about 9:45 or 10:00 so I will make my 2 hours here
Tomorrows trick is try is to stop watching the clock so much. When I want to look at the clock I need to stop and think about why I am looking at the clock. Am I looking to really see what time it is, or am I looking to see if it is time to smoke. Could be an interesting day.
Adding 5 minutes
not clock watching
Long day here I come.
One day at a time, one goal at a time, one step at a time.
My trick for today was to try and wait an extra five minutes before having a smoke. When you look at my schedule it doesn't look like I actually did that, but considering how many times I really wanted a smoke and waited, sometimes more than 5 minutes I think I did okay, and since I met my target goal, it must have worked.
8:00am
8:30am
9:45am
11:45am look 2 hours between smokes
1:45 pm and another 2 hours here
3:50pm and 2 hours and 5 minutes here (note the 5 minutes)
5:00 here is where I started slipping today
6:15 only and hour and 15 minutes
7:45 Almost made the 2 hours but not quite
last smoke will be about 9:45 or 10:00 so I will make my 2 hours here
Tomorrows trick is try is to stop watching the clock so much. When I want to look at the clock I need to stop and think about why I am looking at the clock. Am I looking to really see what time it is, or am I looking to see if it is time to smoke. Could be an interesting day.
Adding 5 minutes
not clock watching
Long day here I come.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day five 01/09/2011
Okay, so I have been at this for five days now. Seems like a long and a short time. Wierd huh? Long because the hours between smokes seems to take forever, short because...well it isn't even a week yet.
Today wasn't bad. 10 so far and then of course I have to have my bedtime smoke, so it will be 11 total. I just can't seem to get that one more out of the way to hit my target of 10. All I can do is keep on trying. One of these days soon I'll hit my mark.
I need to think of tips and tricks for every day use to get to my two hour mark as well.
My trick for tomorrow is to wait an extra 5 minutes. When I feel like I want a smoke and it is close to my target time I will wait another 5 minutes before smoking. 5 minutes isn't very long, but if I add 5 minutes to every smoke break that is 50 minutes in the day, 55 if I have 11. That is almost an hour each day and those extra 5 minutes could help me reach my target goal of 10.
Todays schedule went like this:
7:45
8:15
9:30
11:00
1:00
2:45
4:15
5:40
7:25
8:45
and of course I will add in my 9:45 bedtime smoke.
Sorry just can't cut that one out yet.
Today wasn't bad. 10 so far and then of course I have to have my bedtime smoke, so it will be 11 total. I just can't seem to get that one more out of the way to hit my target of 10. All I can do is keep on trying. One of these days soon I'll hit my mark.
I need to think of tips and tricks for every day use to get to my two hour mark as well.
My trick for tomorrow is to wait an extra 5 minutes. When I feel like I want a smoke and it is close to my target time I will wait another 5 minutes before smoking. 5 minutes isn't very long, but if I add 5 minutes to every smoke break that is 50 minutes in the day, 55 if I have 11. That is almost an hour each day and those extra 5 minutes could help me reach my target goal of 10.
Todays schedule went like this:
7:45
8:15
9:30
11:00
1:00
2:45
4:15
5:40
7:25
8:45
and of course I will add in my 9:45 bedtime smoke.
Sorry just can't cut that one out yet.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
day four 01/08/2011
I made it through my first Saturday (not a work day). I have had ten smokes today, will have one more before bed. 11 is better than 14. I have noticed that I have the most trouble in the mornings and in the late evenings. During the day time, even today when I was home and not working, I seem to be doing okay. It dosent seem as hard for me to wait two hours in the middle of the day. First thing in the morning is because I haven't had the nicotine for 8 or 10 hours while I was sleeping so I need the extra hit. I will get over that eventually. The late evening hours I really can't explain other than maybe habit or boredom. I have had nicotine during the day so it isn't the lack of the drug in my body, but it sure seems hard to wait two hours after 8:00 at night. Check this out and see what you think.
8:40 am
9:30 am see I didn't even wait an hour
10:30am after 2 I can at least wait an hour but not much longer
12:00 closer to 2 hours at least it is an hour and a half
2:00 2 hours between yea
4:00 another 2 hour wait
6:00 again 2 hours
7:45 We ate at 6:30 so I waited before having the smoke but not the whole 2 hours. Habit of smoking after eating got to me
8:45 See here it starts getting harder back to only an hour again
9:45 and once again only an hour in between right after I kissed Alexia good night (this one could be chalked up to habit because I usually tried to wait until after I kissed her good night for a smoke
It is 10:30 now and I will be going to bed in about a half and hour and I will smoke before bed. If I wait until 10:45 at least it will be an hour in between.
Today was a good day though. I feel good about only smoking 11. And I am thinking a lot more about the whys and how comes of my smoking. Just to justify my rises and falls...I have smoked a pack a day for over half my life, and now I need to stop. I cannot expect to stop in a matter of days, though I expect to be done by the middle of March. I am one of those people who wants everything to be INSTANT. I want it and I want it right now! I didn't start smoking a pack a day, I only smoked a few a day when I started years and years ago so I can't really expect to stop immediately, but this waiting if really hard for me. I want to stop now, and I can't and it is frustrating. I need to keep things in perspective and take this a day at a time, a pack at a time, a smoke at a time, until there is no more smoking and I no longer have to worry about it.
8:40 am
9:30 am see I didn't even wait an hour
10:30am after 2 I can at least wait an hour but not much longer
12:00 closer to 2 hours at least it is an hour and a half
2:00 2 hours between yea
4:00 another 2 hour wait
6:00 again 2 hours
7:45 We ate at 6:30 so I waited before having the smoke but not the whole 2 hours. Habit of smoking after eating got to me
8:45 See here it starts getting harder back to only an hour again
9:45 and once again only an hour in between right after I kissed Alexia good night (this one could be chalked up to habit because I usually tried to wait until after I kissed her good night for a smoke
It is 10:30 now and I will be going to bed in about a half and hour and I will smoke before bed. If I wait until 10:45 at least it will be an hour in between.
Today was a good day though. I feel good about only smoking 11. And I am thinking a lot more about the whys and how comes of my smoking. Just to justify my rises and falls...I have smoked a pack a day for over half my life, and now I need to stop. I cannot expect to stop in a matter of days, though I expect to be done by the middle of March. I am one of those people who wants everything to be INSTANT. I want it and I want it right now! I didn't start smoking a pack a day, I only smoked a few a day when I started years and years ago so I can't really expect to stop immediately, but this waiting if really hard for me. I want to stop now, and I can't and it is frustrating. I need to keep things in perspective and take this a day at a time, a pack at a time, a smoke at a time, until there is no more smoking and I no longer have to worry about it.
Day 3
Not a great day. 14 smokes, 4 over the limit. So here come the lame excuses. First of all I was up an hour earlier, 6:30 not 7:30. Secondly I stayed up later (1:00am) adding 4 hours to my day. If my goal was 1 an hour then I have an excuse for the extra 4, one per hour. But my goal was to get to 2 hours between smokes and that did not happen. I screwed up. Easy to fall back into old habits. If you check my schedule out I actually did pretty well until we went out. I can't even blame it on drinking, since I didn't drink last night. I just fell back into the habit of smoking while we were out.
6:30am as soon as I got up
7:15am
8:15am before taking Alexia to school
9:25am before atarting a big project at work
11:15 Yea almost waited 2 hours but was busy at work
12:30 had one before I left for work to curb the cravings in the truck
2:oopm Made myself wait almost 2 hours
4:00pm yea another 2 hour break in my day
6:00pm yea another 2 hour break two in a row
8:00pm another 2 hour break and we went out to eat at 6:30 so I also waited after eating on this one (2 stars)
9:45pm not 2 hours but it was a break between sets and I wanted to smoke with MO one of the singers
11:00pm again not 2 hours but another break
1:00am when we got home just before bed I wanted one earlier while we were standing out side talking with friends but I resisted
So 14 total today, not the best but better than 20.
Start over again tomorrow and see where we go from there.
6:30am as soon as I got up
7:15am
8:15am before taking Alexia to school
9:25am before atarting a big project at work
11:15 Yea almost waited 2 hours but was busy at work
12:30 had one before I left for work to curb the cravings in the truck
2:oopm Made myself wait almost 2 hours
4:00pm yea another 2 hour break in my day
6:00pm yea another 2 hour break two in a row
8:00pm another 2 hour break and we went out to eat at 6:30 so I also waited after eating on this one (2 stars)
9:45pm not 2 hours but it was a break between sets and I wanted to smoke with MO one of the singers
11:00pm again not 2 hours but another break
1:00am when we got home just before bed I wanted one earlier while we were standing out side talking with friends but I resisted
So 14 total today, not the best but better than 20.
Start over again tomorrow and see where we go from there.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day 2 of Fresh Air
9:00pm 11 smokes today and one more at 10:00pm before bed for a total of twelve. Not as good as yesterday when I only smoked 11, but it is a start. Did not smoke at all in the truck today, that is a plus. Average time between smokes was 1 hour 45 minutes, need to get it up to 2. I can divide the pack I have tomorrow into 2 packs of 10 each and should be able to stay on track with 10 per day.
My smokes today went like this:
7:35am as soon as I got out of bed
8:15am before taking Alexia to school
9:30am break from work
10:45am break from work
11:45am break from work
1:15 pm break from work
3:00 pm before leaving from work so I wouldn't smoke in the truck
4:15 pm waited for a while after I got home from work
6:00pm just before supper
7:25pm waited for a half and hour after eating
9:00pm got bored
10:00pm will smoke just before bed I always do
I am more aware of when I am smoking now, but I have become somewhat of a clock watcher to see if I can have a smoke yet, or how long I have to wait. I need to re think because I noticed today that when my hour was up I found myself saying "I can have a smoke now" even though sometimes I really wasn't ready to have one. Habits are really hard to break. Most of smoking wasn't because I wanted or needed one, it was because it was habit. Get in the truck, have a smoke, eat a meal, have a smoke, get bored, have a smoke. Once I can differintiate between when I want a smoke and when it is just habit I think I will be better able to cut down. That is one reason the time table is helping. Now if I can only stop watching the clock so much I think I will be on my way.
My smokes today went like this:
7:35am as soon as I got out of bed
8:15am before taking Alexia to school
9:30am break from work
10:45am break from work
11:45am break from work
1:15 pm break from work
3:00 pm before leaving from work so I wouldn't smoke in the truck
4:15 pm waited for a while after I got home from work
6:00pm just before supper
7:25pm waited for a half and hour after eating
9:00pm got bored
10:00pm will smoke just before bed I always do
I am more aware of when I am smoking now, but I have become somewhat of a clock watcher to see if I can have a smoke yet, or how long I have to wait. I need to re think because I noticed today that when my hour was up I found myself saying "I can have a smoke now" even though sometimes I really wasn't ready to have one. Habits are really hard to break. Most of smoking wasn't because I wanted or needed one, it was because it was habit. Get in the truck, have a smoke, eat a meal, have a smoke, get bored, have a smoke. Once I can differintiate between when I want a smoke and when it is just habit I think I will be better able to cut down. That is one reason the time table is helping. Now if I can only stop watching the clock so much I think I will be on my way.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Day one of not smoking
Today I started my stop smoking before the end of March program. It is now almost 9:00pm and I have had 10 smokes today. To be honest I will have one more before I go to bed tonight, so that will be a total of 11 smokes today. Not bad for a start. I bought 2 paks today instead of a carton. I already have the first pack divided into 2. I got 11 smokes today because I still had some left over from yesterday. I think I get 11 tomorrow as well, then the next pack I can divided evenly into 10 each. Here are the times I smoked today
7:30am just after getting out of bed
8:30am before taking Alexia to school
9:00am in the truck on the way to work after dropping Alexia off (habit)
10:15am break from work
11:45am break from work
12:45pm break from work
2:45 pm before I left work so I wouldn't smoke in the truck on the way home
4:45 pm This one was hard to wait for, I usually have a smoke with the dog when I get home work but today I waited
6:00 pm Did not take my smokes next door with me when we went to visit the neightbors (on purpouse) waited until we got home to have a smoke
8:15 pm Did not have a smoke right after dinner which is good for me, I usually get up from the table and go right outside for a smoke. Tonight I waited. I did have to go take a nice hot relaxing bath to keep my mind off of it, and to be sure to stay within my time limits
I will have my last smoke about 10:00 tonight, just before bed.
Not to bad for the first day. Only smoked one in the truck which is where I really need to stop smoking the most. I do a lot of smoking in my truck. That is where my challenge will be, that and after work at home.
Almost half way to a non smoking life for me in one day.
Oh I have no illusions that there will not be slips and slids along the way, somedays are jsut worse than others, but today was a good start.
7:30am just after getting out of bed
8:30am before taking Alexia to school
9:00am in the truck on the way to work after dropping Alexia off (habit)
10:15am break from work
11:45am break from work
12:45pm break from work
2:45 pm before I left work so I wouldn't smoke in the truck on the way home
4:45 pm This one was hard to wait for, I usually have a smoke with the dog when I get home work but today I waited
6:00 pm Did not take my smokes next door with me when we went to visit the neightbors (on purpouse) waited until we got home to have a smoke
8:15 pm Did not have a smoke right after dinner which is good for me, I usually get up from the table and go right outside for a smoke. Tonight I waited. I did have to go take a nice hot relaxing bath to keep my mind off of it, and to be sure to stay within my time limits
I will have my last smoke about 10:00 tonight, just before bed.
Not to bad for the first day. Only smoked one in the truck which is where I really need to stop smoking the most. I do a lot of smoking in my truck. That is where my challenge will be, that and after work at home.
Almost half way to a non smoking life for me in one day.
Oh I have no illusions that there will not be slips and slids along the way, somedays are jsut worse than others, but today was a good start.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I Have To Stop
My family and I are going on vacation the end of March. We are flying to San Francisco to visit friends and let our ten year old daughter experience a real vacation. Before we go on March 26th I have to stop smoking! I currently smoke about a pack a day (for you non-smokers that is about 20 cigarettes a day). I need to quit smoking for several reasons. There are obvious health reasons to quit but I am not to concerned with them. The bigger reasons are that the vacation will be much more enjoyable for the entire family if I am not smoking. San Francisco has some very strict no smoking policies, so trying to find a place where I can smoke in San Franscico will be difficult. Quitting before we leave will releive the stress of not being able to smoke while in California.
My absolute deadline for no more smoking is March 26th, the day we leave. I would like to stop before then, but have not chosen a specific date yet.
Here is my plan (it worked when I stopped smoking to go to Hawaii 7 years ago), so I am going to try it again.
1. Cut back to 10 a day for at least 2 weeks
I keep the package from the day before and count out 10 cigarettes, when the package is empty I am done for the day.
2. Keep track of when I smoke write down the times
This lets me know the time of day that I most want a smoke and it also keeps me on track for my 2 to 3 hour time limit between smokes
3. Keep at least 2 hours between smoke breaks
4. Don't smoke while driving (this cuts down on quite a few at the very start, I smoke a lot in my truck)
5. Buy smokes a pack at a time instead of a carton (reduces the temptation to smoke more)
6. Find other things to occupy my time when I am bored
At least this is a start, because to be honest, I really don't want to stop smoking. I enjoy it and it relaxes me. It is a great stress reliever for me. I don't particullarly like the smell of a stale cigarette, but I do like the taste of a lit cigarette. So now the inner fight begins.
I start tomorrow, January 5th, 2011.
Wish me luck
My absolute deadline for no more smoking is March 26th, the day we leave. I would like to stop before then, but have not chosen a specific date yet.
Here is my plan (it worked when I stopped smoking to go to Hawaii 7 years ago), so I am going to try it again.
1. Cut back to 10 a day for at least 2 weeks
I keep the package from the day before and count out 10 cigarettes, when the package is empty I am done for the day.
2. Keep track of when I smoke write down the times
This lets me know the time of day that I most want a smoke and it also keeps me on track for my 2 to 3 hour time limit between smokes
3. Keep at least 2 hours between smoke breaks
4. Don't smoke while driving (this cuts down on quite a few at the very start, I smoke a lot in my truck)
5. Buy smokes a pack at a time instead of a carton (reduces the temptation to smoke more)
6. Find other things to occupy my time when I am bored
At least this is a start, because to be honest, I really don't want to stop smoking. I enjoy it and it relaxes me. It is a great stress reliever for me. I don't particullarly like the smell of a stale cigarette, but I do like the taste of a lit cigarette. So now the inner fight begins.
I start tomorrow, January 5th, 2011.
Wish me luck
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