OMG! I never realized how much I rely on cigarettes to relieve my stress. The kids just left, Thank God. I love the grand kids Maddie (1) and Makayla (11) but I can do without the negativity and stress of the parents, especially when you add grand ma into the mix. They were only here for about 4 hours and I know I had at least 4 smokes. Not on track tonight for 10. I mostly used it as an excuse to go outside and get away. I didn't realize until tonight how much I do that. It gives a whole new meaning to "blowing off steam". I went outside to get away from the tension, and to blow off steam inside my head. The smoking was just an excuse and a physical release since I couldn't actually blow off steam just outside the door, I did it virtually through smoking.
I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit excuses, and in reality it is, but it makes me think about why I smoke and the things I will need to replace in my life when I quit.
I also realize that I have a VERY,VERY, difficult time dealing with negative people. A little negativity goes a very long way. I wish positive feelings were as powerful as negative, but then life would be to easy wouldn't it? Holy Cow at least I don't think that anyone who isn't me is a complete idiot.
Anyway, enough excuses, bottom line I didn't make my goal today...try again tomorrow!
I don't tink it's bullshit excuses at all. I think of it as coping skills. We have to deal in the moment, and all we got is what we got. Our challenge I suppose, is increasing the number of options we have to deal in those moments. Trying the EC is a new option.
ReplyDeleteAlso, getting with ourselves about why we do what we do, isn't making excuses for our behavior unless we never progress, unless we use the excuse to justify NOT changing. So long as we tell it like it is and continue to work on it, that growth.
Just keep on keeping on!