day four 01/08/2011

I made it through my first Saturday (not a work day). I have had ten smokes today, will have one more before bed. 11 is better than 14. I have noticed that I have the most trouble in the mornings and in the late evenings. During the day time, even today when I was home and not working, I seem to be doing okay. It dosent seem as hard for me to wait two hours in the middle of the day. First thing in the morning is because I haven't had the nicotine for 8 or 10 hours while I was sleeping so I need the extra hit. I will get over that eventually. The late evening hours I really can't explain other than maybe habit or boredom. I have had nicotine during the day so it isn't the lack of the drug in my body, but it sure seems hard to wait two hours after 8:00 at night. Check this out and see what you think.
8:40 am
9:30 am see I didn't even wait an hour
10:30am after 2 I can at least wait an hour but not much longer
12:00 closer to 2 hours at least it is an hour and a half
2:00 2 hours between yea
4:00 another 2 hour wait
6:00 again 2 hours
7:45 We ate at 6:30 so I waited before having the smoke but not the whole 2 hours. Habit of smoking after eating got to me
8:45 See here it starts getting harder back to only an hour again
9:45 and once again only an hour in between right after I kissed Alexia good night (this one could be chalked up to habit because I usually tried to wait until after I kissed her good night for a smoke
It is 10:30 now and I will be going to bed in about a half and hour and I will smoke before bed. If I wait until 10:45 at least it will be an hour in between.
Today was a good day though. I feel good about only smoking 11. And I am thinking a lot more about the whys and how comes of my smoking. Just to justify my rises and falls...I have smoked a pack a day for over half my life, and now I need to stop. I cannot expect to stop in a matter of days, though I expect to be done by the middle of March. I am one of those people who wants everything to be INSTANT. I want it and I want it right now! I didn't start smoking a pack a day, I only smoked a few a day when I started years and years ago so I can't really expect to stop immediately, but this waiting if really hard for me. I want to stop now, and I can't and it is frustrating. I need to keep things in perspective and take this a day at a time, a pack at a time, a smoke at a time, until there is no more smoking and I no longer have to worry about it.