03/14/2011

I have to admit, if I had been able to get a hold of a cigarette today I would have smoked it. A bit stressful today I guess. Things at work, and life and jsut things. Good thing I didn't have a pack, and I resisted the urge to stop and buy one, but it was really hard. This is the first time I have really wanted a cigarette since I stopped. I've wanted the ritual but not the actual cigarette. Today I wanted the cigarette. But I got through it. No cigarettes today. Four days and still going.

03/13/2011

I have been searching all week to find the right word for what I am missing about not smoking. I have used the terms habit, and physical motion, and what I do. Mo gave me the right word last night...What I miss about smoking is the ritual. The whole ritual of going outside, lighting the cigarette, taking the first puff, watching the smoke rise from the end of the cigartte and dissapate in the air. It is the ritual of smoking that I miss, and that has been so hard o give up. I guess I need to find a new ritual, not just something else to do with my time, not just filling time but creating some kind of ritual. I need to think some more about this.
As far as last night...I did fine. Didn' even really have much of an urge to go smoke. I did tell Cheryl and JJ that I had been 3 days with out a cigartte. JJ gave me a high 5 and Cheryl said "good job" and that was about all that was said.
I talked to March about not noticing and she said that she really hadn't noticed other than I didn't go out side as much. I guess that is something.

03/12/2011

Start of day three with no smokes. The patch is working really well for the cravings. I have "smoked" the E-cig a couple of times to get a "boost" of nicotine. I have also used it just to feel like I was smoking. I have even taken it outside (though I don't have to), just to calm the desire to smoke. It gets easier every day. I don't think about it as much even today as I did the first day. I still want to go for a smoke at times during the day, but it is not a constant nagging thought now. Going out tonight to see Blaze and Kelly, to a winery, so I will be drinking a bit and be around a few people who smoke. We will have to see how that goes as far as cravings. Taking the E with me just in case I get the urge.

03/10/2011

First day of being without smokes. I am wearing the patch and it cuts down on the cravings, but it does not help with the habits associated with smoking, like stepping outside, or walking around,or just having something in my hands.
The itch is normal. I think I had it last time and it is not accompanied by a rash. Don't know why it happens but it does. Not a big deal. I think maybe I was just tired the other night because I have not slept any better the last two nights, just a coincidence I think. I am sleeping like I normally do though, hard to fall asleep, sleep well for a few hours, wake up, toss and turn for a few hours, sleep again for a few hours. Weird sleep pattern but it has been that way for awhile now.
I will let you know how the rest of the day goes later tonight, when I have been without a cigarette all day.
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It's later, 9:30 pm and I have not had a real cigarette all day! I had a few puffs off the E-cig once or twice today but that was all. The hardest thing for me today was not doing the normal tthings I do when I smoke like going outside. I actually gave up and took the E-cig outside with me once tonight because I just couldn't stand it any longer, I just had to get up and follow the normal routine of going "out for a smoke". Habits are so hard to break, not just the addiction to the drug part, but the addiction to the action part.

03/08/2011

Started the nicotine patch yesterday. Seems to abate my cravings somewhat. Not suppossed to smoke while using the patch, but I am cheating. I bought the low dose patch so I am still smoking, 9 yesterday, 10 today, last pack tomorrow, then no more smokes. We will see how it goes. Wearing the patch at night seems to help me sleep better though. I sleep deeper and awake more rested than I have in a long time. We will see if this continues after I quit the ciggarettes. Only time will tell. The only reaction so far is it makes me itch, not just where the patch is but all over. That should stop soon too, I hope.

03/05/2011

Bought the patch today. I will start using it tomorrow. Yes, the last time I quit I used the patch, and it seemed to work.
We will just have to see what happens. I have been sticking somewhere around 10 (9 to 13) for a while now, so the patch should help me quit completely. I will let you know how it goes.

03/02/2011

Nope, did not make 8 yesterday! 9, just couldn't resist that last smoke before bed. Today was much worse. Woke up at 6:30, laid in bed until 7:00am. Woke up with an "I don't care" attitude. Took a shower tried to wash it off but was unsuccessful. Not really a pissy attitude, or angry, just not caring. Had 5 smokes before noon. Really hard when I get behind so early in the day. Could not shake the attitude all day long. Sooooo, not even close today!
I will be at 12 by the time I go to bed tonight. Did check on the prices of the nicotine patch this morning (when I stopped to buy smokes) ironic right? I get paid tomorrow so I will buy the patches before the week end. More importantly than the help though is the attitude. Need to get back on track and start caring again. Don't really know what the problem was today, just woke up with the wrong attitude to fight the fight today.
Tomorrow will be better.