01/20/2011

Sharon, since you are checking up on me daily (which I really appreciate by the way) I better blog tonight. Since you check up on my progress it helps keep my on track. Sometimes it is easier to keep myself from smoking more than I want to because I know you will be "watching". Not that you are judging me in any way (which I also appreciate) but I sometimes feel it is easier not to disappoint you, than it is not to disappoint me.
I tried something wierd today. Instead of fighting with ET, or giving into ET I just let it happen as it would. I didn't argue, or justify, or ignore. I just let things come as they would. I smoked more than 10 I know, but less than 15. I wanted to see if smoking less is really affecting my health. When I smoked with less than an hour and a half between smokes I got a head ache. Learned that early this morning, so I cut back this afternoon and felt better. Smoking really is not so good for me, especially smoking so much. I got used to it in the last 30 years so it wasn't bothering me, but now that I have cut back I notice the difference in how deeply I breathe, how many head aches I have, and how I am not so short of breath when doing simple things.
Now that this experiment is over and I know that it really is helping to not smoke I have another reason to cut back even more.
Sharon, I want you to know how much your help and support and your non-judgmental comments and encouragment are helping me through not only this stop smoking process, but also the mother-in-law thing. Your encouraging words and thoughts keep me going, and trying and not giving up or running away from home, even though I really want to run away from home sometimes.
Thanks again for being there.
Mickey