Saturday, January 29, 2011
01/29/2011
Good Grief Maynard, another relapse day. Back to 11. Did not have the ambition, desire, or self control today to stick to 8 or 9 or 10. I hit 11 today. Started the morning out not caring and once the afternoon hit I was way behind and couldn't (didn't) catch up. The afternoon and evening went a little better, but by noon today I knew I wouldn't make my quota. I just tried to not go to far over the limit, and 11 isn't terrible but it isn't great either. Tomorrow will be better. I really need to start using the E-cig. It sits right here by my chair, but I just don't use it. I need to start training myself to smoke it instead of a real one. I am not sure why I am not because it is just as easy if not easier to take a couple of drags off the E. I just don't do it. I think with time it will come. Re-training of the mind and body takes time. I just need to be paitient with myself.
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I wonder why you don't pick up the EC first. Maybe it's psychological...you know it's not real so why bother. Maybe it's physical... Your body still wants the nicotine more than you want it to. Maybe emotional... It's just too comforting to not use it. Maybe fear, or hesitation to give up an old friend. Maybe when you figure out why, you'll move forward the way you want. The fact that you even wonder why shows awareness and insight enough to change however, whenever.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what tomorrow's post will look like...