I have decided I have an evil twin who lives inside my head. She talks to me alot. Here is a sample of one conversation:
ET: You know you want to go smoke now
Me: Not time yet
ET: But you have waited a long time and you really want one right?
Me: Well yes I would like to have a smoke now, but I should wait
ET: Why wait, you are cutting back and if you have one now you can always skip one later
Me: You know how hard it is for me to skip one later. Let's just wait for a while.
ET: No we need a smoke now, you have a break coming in between projects and it would be the perfect time. You can skip the next smoke, and wait longer next time.
Me: Well okay if you really think I can wait longer next time we can have one now
ET: Of course we can wait longer before we have the next one, you should reward yourself for waiting this long.
Me: okay, I guess you are right
The evil twin wins again. And the next time we have the same or a very similar conversation again. My evil twin has a very strong will and my will is not as strong. Really need to work on beating the evil twin.
Check this out...my goal is an hour and a half between smokes
Look how many times ET won today.
7:00 right out of bed
8:00 before taking Alexia to school
9:05 As soon as I got to work
10:10 before I went to a meeting
12:40 as soon as I got back from the meeting but pat me on the back I did not smoke in the truck driving from the meeting
2:30 almost 2 hours but just not quite
3:30 only and hour
5:45 before we went to visit the neighbors, left my smokes at home
7:30 after dinner, by about a half an hour
It is 8:30 now and I am about ready to go have a smoke, and then I will have one before bed
That makes my total for today 11. So close to 10 and yet so far away. But at least it is not 20.
ET is the voice of addiction... like the comic images of conscience - a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, and they bicker back and forth about their virtues.
ReplyDeleteAddiction sits on both shoulders saying "You need me, you want me, it's ok, you can have me if you want me, nothing else matters, what others think doesn't matter, all that matters is that you want me and that I'm right here for you, I'll always be here for you."
One of those has got to go!