02/15/2011

I have found out one of my VERY big triggers. Anger!. When I get angry I want to smoke a lot! We took Evelyn home today, that was a good thing but...March had asked Cori (her daughter in law) to clean the house before E got home. She has been asking for a week. She told Cori that if she was to busy or couldn't get it done that March had several people lined up that would come to Mt. Home with her and help clean. Cori, and her son Kenny, both told March that they would take care of it. In fact when March called on Sunday Kenny told her that Cori was over cleaning the house then and that it would be all cleaned when she got home. We told them she would probably be home Tuesday. We walked in and the house was a MESS! Cori had done the dishes, and that was all! The flooors had not been swept or mopped. There was dog pee in several places from before E had gone into the hospital the 2nd time (from before the puppy was house trained). Her bed wasn't even made and none of the floors had been vaccumed. It was terrible! This was not what we had expected to walk into. We spent 4 extra hours there tonight cleaning! I was on track for 9 tonight...now I am way off track, probably 11 or 12. I walked in and saw that mess and stepped right back out and had a smoke, about half way through I walked out again and had another one. I was mad, not just because it wasn't done, but because they had promised us it would be done, that it was done...and not even close!
Anger is a very strong trigger for me I think because it helps me think and relax for a minute or two. I am home now and calmer and the urge to smoke is still there but not nearly as strong as it has been all afternoon. Start over again tomorrow!