Wednesday, February 9, 2011
02/09/2011
Ever have one of those days when you just don't care? Well I have had two of them in a row in now. I only had 11 smokes last night but that is more than I should have had. I am on track for 11 today as well. I just can't force myself to be all that concerned about it right now. I know I need to quit but I am having a hard time facing the realization that this is a permanent deal, that I am not just quitting for the vacation but for a lifetime. I don't want to try to do this again, it is to hard, so if I am quitting it is forever. My mind is wrapped around that thought, I just can't get my heart to buy into the deal, or maybe it is my lungs, or my nerves, or anything else that this stupid nicotine is affecting. My brain wants to quit, my body is fighting back and at the moment it is winning because my brain is dealing with too much other stuff. Marchs' mom, Marchs' birthday, the up coming vacation, my job, money, etc., etc., etc., The same worries everyone else has I suppose. Hopefully I will find the answer to my non-caring and start new again tomorrow. New day, new attitude.
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I never imagined it wouldn't be hard... hmmm, you're not supposed to use two negatives in one sentence... I never imagined it would be easy to quit. I marvel every morning when I read about your day before at the progress you've made so far, and during such a stressful time. That's strength, I think, and determination.
ReplyDeleteSuccess isn't never failing. Success is failing, and still getting up after each fall and going again. So you area already succeeding.