02/04/2011

Did not post again last night, partially because it was a no good, terrible, horrible, very bad day! Lots of stress yesterday, most of it self made because of my attitude. I am emotionally tired. Tired of biting my tounge when I want to speak my mind, tired of whispering when I want to shout, tired of ignoring when I want to reprimand, tired of listening when I want quiet. Just plain tired. So amidst all that tired I also got tired of fighting with myself and just gave in. I lost track yesterday but I think the final count was 16. NOT GOOD!
March and I went to Blaze and Kelly last night and the old saying "music soothes the soul" is so true. They have such great energy and such enthusiasim for life, and are so positive that by the end of the evening I was feeling so much better and ready to stand and fight another day.
Just so you know, and to be completely forth coming in this blog, I felt the effects of my relapse this morning. My sinus were clogged and sore, my eyes itched, my chest felt heavy. I know it was all because I smoked to much yesterday and my body is starting to not like it again. It got so used to it that it didn't have much effect on me earlier, but now that I have cut back when I over indulge I feel it. Mentally I know all this, physically I know all this, but emotionaly I am still fighting the inward battle. Today should be a better day, I have a better attitude toward everything, March and I have had some really good conversations this morning, and I am ready and willing to try again. A battle was lost, but the war is not over.